Funny New Years Eve Party Hats
happy new hat
Which New Year's Eve Party Hat Is the Best?
Photo: Courtesy of the Retailers
It's almost the final day of the year — of the decade! — and of course we need a hat to celebrate. As everyone knows, the four pillars of the New Year's Eve hat are: festivity, warmth, sexiness, and a display of the words "HAPPY NEW YEAR." But how do the available hats on Amazon measure up against these core values? Let's take a look and see.
IS IT FESTIVE: It is quite festive, yes, featuring multicolored firework spiders, a fun red band, and a tall crown. While it doesn't have any decorations jutting out of it, nor does it light up, I think its height adds something special.
WILL IT KEEP YOU WARM: I don't think this hat will keep you as warm as something like a beanie, but the black velour will certainly provide some warmth, particularly around the area of your face upon which the brim will sit. I bet that area will get a little sweaty.
WILL IT LOOK HOT: No — I need to stress in the strongest of terms that you are not going to look hot in this hat. I'm trying to imagine Emily Ratajkowski in it and it wouldn't even look hot on her, not to say you aren't hotter.
DOES IT SAY "HAPPY NEW YEAR": Yes!
IS IT FESTIVE: Of course. Silver, sparkly, adorned with a disco ball, placed in a forcedly cocked position — this hat has everything you'd want in a festive chapeau.
WILL IT KEEP YOU WARM: Hmm. Maybe it'll keep that one area of your head warm, but otherwise I think you're out of luck.
WILL IT LOOK HOT: A tiny, delicate hat, cocked to the side for a jaunty effect, making you look like it's your wedding day (and you're marrying the Tin Man)? Oh yes, this will look hot.
DOES IT SAY "HAPPY NEW YEAR": Yes!
IS IT FESTIVE: My, this is a very festive hat indeed! A bright burst of colors, permanently cocked to the opposite side of the last one, and mighty sparkly! Oh, in this headband you will certainly not be confused for someone who isn't feeling festive and ignoring if only for one night the approaching doom of the year 2020.
WILL IT KEEP YOU WARM: About as warm as the last one, I'd say, maybe just in that little spot where the hat is. Maybe you'd also like to hide a little hand warmer under there, for an extra little pocket of heat.
WILL IT LOOK HOT: Yes, but do know that this one will look a little less hot than the silver one. It's trying a bit too hard, with all of its accoutrements, and that sort of desperation is never particularly attractive. As Carole Radziwill often told Tinsley Mortimer on the Real Housewives of New York: Keep it cute.
DOES IT SAY "HAPPY NEW YEAR": Yes!
IS IT FESTIVE: A festive classic! While I think the tinsel rim could be a bit more robust, as could the little stringies at the top, I think this hat — particularly its conicalness — will communicate the appropriate level of festivity.
WILL IT KEEP YOU WARM: No, it will not.
WILL IT LOOK HOT: Hm. I guess this one probably depends on how hot you are, but remember that hotness is an attitude that anyone can acquire.
DOES IT SAY "HAPPY NEW YEAR": Yes!
ARE THEY FESTIVE: Yes! While they're not as ostentatious as other options, there are few things more festive than arriving at a party with enough tiaras for everyone.
WILL THEY KEEP YOU WARM: Not in the physical sense, but your spirit will certainly be warmed by everyone's gratitude for your great tiara-related foresight.
WILL THEY LOOK HOT: Generosity looks hot on everyone!
DO THEY SAY "HAPPY NEW YEAR": Of course.
IS IT FESTIVE: It's absolutely festive. Shiny, sparkling — if you must wear a festive fedora, and I would make sure that you do, this is certainly an option.
WILL IT KEEP YOU WARM: I'm sure! It'll keep you warmer than the tiaras, at least. Plus you can fit a bunch of hand-warmers under there.
WILL IT LOOK HOT: Well. I'm sorry, I don't think a sparkly fedora is ever going to look hot, even on New Year's Eve. But maybe your love of fedoras outweighs your love of looking hot, and that would be fine.
DOES IT SAY "HAPPY NEW YEAR": Yes!
IS IT FESTIVE: The fact that these fedoras have flashing lights on them makes them, in my opinion, a much more festive option than the last fedora. You just have to decide how festive you want your fedora to be.
WILL IT KEEP YOU WARM: Again, you can fit a lot of hand-warmers under the hat, so depending on your comfort level regarding the number of hand-warmers you're willing to hide it could be very warm.
WILL IT LOOK HOT: If you wear the hat with your romantic partner, it will at least signal that you have probably have a romantic partner — the other person in the matching flashing fedora. And what's more seductive than someone you can't have?
DOES IT SAY "HAPPY NEW YEAR": Yes!
IS IT FESTIVE: Oh, a sweet, little conical hat on top of headband — the hat industry is always innovating! Yes, this hat is quite festive and its Santa-like brim will remind you of how Christmas is already in the past, and now all we have to look forward to is cold, darkness, and the November election.
WILL IT KEEP YOU WARM: No!
WILL IT LOOK HOT: I have to imagine this will sit quite high on top of your head. Maybe that will work for you? It depends on how long your head is already, and I'm not sure of your head shape. But there is a possibility for hotness.
DOES IT SAY "HAPPY NEW YEAR": Yes!
IS IT FESTIVE: A bright pink display atop a fan of feathers, as if the very tippy top of your head is a Las Vegas showgirl? Of course it's festive!
WILL IT KEEP YOU WARM: This will not keep you warm, no, but look how cute!
WILL IT LOOK HOT: Yes!
DOES IT SAY "HAPPY NEW YEAR": YES!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Source: https://www.thecut.com/2019/12/best-amazon-new-years-eve-party-hats.html
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